touch me tease me...

you say you scared
but i'm aware
that when you needed him he wasn't there
and now you can't care about me
you should know i'm in deep
and the climbing's to steep
yet i feel you like you beneath me in the bed
i kiss your forehead
but it's all in my head
like santa riding an open sled
i'm red
mostly embarassed but a lil tipsy
denyin that you not here with me
grabbing and kissing body parts
you're perfection as living art
exactly what picasso sought
cupid got me through the heart

i just got what i was asking for which is more of you. i understand that was a big step for you and i really appreciate it. so i'm sitting here marinating on that and it's doing me no good at all. i'm just thinking of beautiful words that sound nice but that's all. i don't know if we are going or coming and i'll elaborate when i'm able to think better

... guilty pleasure

let me seek you out and lay my warm hands upon you
taking my time to carress every curve sculpted into the living art that is your body
may my passion reach your soul when our lips meet
and may your satisfaction display itself in the form of your heart skipping a beat
allow me to tame your every desire
and don't be scared to reply when i inquire what your happiness requires
inkwell, doug j.; titles, i have several
but you may call me your guilty pleasure

i know it might need some work but i just kinda thought of it when i thought about that milky way commercial... might step the metaphors up or scap it all together.

A.R.AN. #3

i'm sitting here thinking about common's punch drunk love and kanye's say you will. don't know why, been thinking a lil lately about a lot of things going on in my life right now. My aunt died early last friday morning and her funeral is set for saturday 11 pm... she was like a mom to me and i think the hardest part is gonna be the fact that i will never hear her telling me "our story" and i'm really gonna miss her teasing me. i try not to be sad because she was the complet opposite and would always find a way to make me smile. she loved this maple based candy called goodies... and they were delicious, might go coupe a pack today to cheer my self up.

on a completely different note, i've been thinking and i have a question... am i supposed to be demoliton man? am i supposed to tear down these walls and go find a rare treasure? i've always taken things at face value even though i ponder and think in an analytical manner. just a thought that hit me when i was listening to that kanye just now. if confidence=swag then i thnk i'm sub par right now. it seems like i can't get anything right right now. i just feel like i'm doing everything the hard way and it's frustrating because i can't put my hands on the root of the problem.

Kanye & Doug J.

i've never heard 808 and heartbreaks so i'm just gonna listen to it and see what i come up with. i'm not sure if anybody will like/appreciate it but i'm just gonna keep it real and say what ever i'm feeling or thinking. don't be afraid if it aint all good cause nothing ever is.

say you will
the very first words on the track brings back a memory of me sitting on lb's sofa and you telling me you want to live in mobile... threw me off, and i feel like kanye, i wish it would come true and i fantasize about you. i feel like there shouldn't be a lot of talk between us because enough if not too much has already been said. am i love... i don't think so. i'm just engulfed in the intricate complexities that is you. nothing excites me more than an intelligent mind wrapped in beauty. but flattery gets you no where at all, actions get more results...

welcome to heartbreak
wow! this shit is sad! i want to have a great life, but i would much rather share it with a wife. at least a girlfriend. someone i can have more than a friendship with because i'm satisfied in that area of my life. i have friends galore! i have really good friends, both male and female. some i can tell my biggest secrets and some i can't. some i can talk about sex with, some i can not. some i can tell my flaws too and they'll keep it real and tell me exactly where i be messing up and others who will try to make me seem cool anyway. i know i'm cool because i'm real, so i prefer that they keep it real. i've always wanted a girlfriend but it's just the fact that i don't like bs and that slows my reaching out to females, especially when i see something i don't like. I always try to let the good outshine the bad but sometimes they won't let it. Like right now i got my homies blowed about who i don't like anymore... they thought i was playing or exaggerating, but i'm really not. Heartbreak is unavoidable, but when i see it coming i always go heads up with it... i never cross teh street, i never hurdle, i never juke... i'm stronger than it is and everyone isn't so let someone else see what they're capable of though me... why not?

heartless
did i loose my soul to a heartless woman... no. a friend, but that's old news. to keep it real, that whole event shapped me into who i am right now. i will never be heartless but i think i'm bout to put up walls. just to make it worse, i'm gonna put up bullet proof glass, unbreakable but you can see everything behind it... i think i'm bout to get into torture so to speak. and when you and someone you like aint clicking it's frustating and irritating... TELL ME ANYTHING... that just popped into my head for some unkown reason! to answer kanye: i can be heartless because ignoring my conscience is something i've been working on for a while now

amazing
it's amazing that when i look in the mirror i am looking for answers to questions that no one has ever asked. but i'd like them to be asked and to be wanted to be asked because some one cares enough to ask. i have an ego but it's not like you would think. i want to know that people care that my mom is feeling good, or my granny is still mugging and ignoring everybody who comes through the door. that my dad still whistles strange tunes in odd pitches. that wayne is still wayne and that johnny still gives everybody a hard time. that you might not ever meet wanda and that we can always get a drink at renee's house! that i can cook better than your moms, and i can bake almost as good as your grandma! that i can write silky smoothe poetry and even fables. that i know of john donne, robert frost, and milton too. that shakespere was a genius even if i don't like reading his works... i want you to know that you are trying to get to know me and won't try to change me even if you don't like some things about me..

love lockdown
kanye said it... we're just wasting time, where's the finish line.... you keep your love lock down and you loose... you choose. you can actually break this song down how ever you like... but kanye pretty much covered us but i wish it wasn't true

paranoid
why are you? everyone aint out to hurt you or let you down. why all the walls? i'm not sure if i'm tougher than them, then again i don't pick fights with walls... i let them stand, and i leave them alone. so much is flooding back to my mind... so very contradictory are the things i'm revisiting right now.

robocop
the name reminds me of that old movie where the killed that cop and they brought him back as a robot... he never gave up on his passion and it seemed like the deck was always stacked against him but he always made a way out of no way. even when he seemed obsolete he was able to win. and as far as the lyrics i don't want a robocop and you're no robocop. do you and i'ma do me maybe we'll be doing our own thing together one day but you making the whole give up thing really easy right now and i was serious as a heartbeat if we keep ending up back here.

street lights
just let me know if the walls are meant to be broken... there was a hint of glass cracking and you're brave for that (too much left to the imagination).

badnews
... moving on to the next track

see you in my nightmares
do people have the right to fight for those who aren't even indicating that they want to be won? i think about it all the time but i still make time to prepare for the fight. when ever, where ever... if i feel like they're worth it but even people like me get tired of stuggling with no results. i never want to see you in my nightmares because then its time to let you go. almost 6 months later and less than half the fire... is this a nightmare? or just a wake up call?

coldest winter
oh yes it tis! its 8 hours away... i've lost sleep. will this be the coldest winter ever... why do i even think about it? or you? it eludes me. it really does. this was a broken play action to the streaking receiver but why don't i throw it away. i'm not match for your defenses... so i'm left holding the ball at a really bad time but...

pinochio story
i don't wanna be a real boy because i'm a real man! if only pinochio had parents like mine...

L-factor (formerly named "10 lines prior to a thought")

i'm looking forward to not going back
while appreciating this instead of wishing for that
getting high off of not being so down
and understanding how silence can be a thundering sound

i've kept some ignorant to the things i've known
and exposed some to how sheltered i've become
my laying low has led to new heights
and my basking in the sun has turned to bathing in the pale moon light

you can take what you will but i'm giving my all
my pen may lie but my spirits will never fall

it took me minutes to work out how i was gonna make this poem work but i think i pulled it off alright and i just wanted yall to know that i'm still around but i've just had an issue or two to let work their selves out and they have. i'm really going on the prowl because i have to meet more girls because the ones i've known are not getting it for me and thats the uncontested truth. i'm not even upset because i've been knowing how things were gonna turn out for a while. I feel like i just got divorced but i have no choice (i perceive that i have no choice so if it is contested people may feel what ever they like) in the matter. I'm not brave enough to tell people how i really feel because i'm pretty sure i would alter (i really mean destroy) friendships and leave people mumbling how they don't understand... and just that they don't understand is a clear indication of some of the bullshit that needs to be addressed. of course i'm not the same person i was a year ago, are you? i'm fiending for someone to keep it real with and who will give me they're all even when it's hard and they don't know how we'll make it becuase i'll be right there with them making things the way they should be. i'm gonna leave yall with this thought: i'm not for everyone to understand because i know what love is and HOW TO love and love is an intangible variable that transcends comprehension!

lady who can make a difference

boo! i know it's been a while since i've last blogged but i guess i just haven't bee feeling the whole blog thing lately and that's just what it is! any way i've bee thinking a lot lately and i need to hit the reset button on the whole ladies situation. i'm not sure if i do or don't like this one girl even though she's so much fun and easy to talk to. i think she's failing a class or two but i'm cool with that because she was right... but that's just the thing she shouldn't be! i'm a fairly smart guy and i can pretty much see what is and isn't going to happen and no matter how much i might want that... emphasis on might, i don't see anything happen between us... it's like if we were face to face things might be different but i'm not willing to push any envelopes seeing as how we just talk trash on the phone! then everybody else has fallen completely off; point blank (period). i'm looking for a lady who can make a difference. who won't talk a good game and not come close to living up to the hype. who will make me feel like i'm never on the back burner even when her plate is full (of course there will be reciprocaiton)! i'm looking for someone who is not afraid to be their self even when it might make them seem weird because i don't like or tolerate fake peeps... i'm big on being who i am and i want others to feel comfortable being who they are around me. I'm not afraid to make my self vulnerable by putting my feelings on the line and i want a girl who'd do the same for me. while everybody has a certain amount of privacy, there wouldn't be much we wouldn't be able to talk about and there won't be no judgements passed because we all make mistakes. a sense of humor will go miles and miles with me, even if i don't get all her jokes and she doesn't get mine we can still share a laugh. of course she has to have a brain and the capacity to use it and vocalize her ideas (no, i don't think girls are dumb but i'm just making sure i let yall know i don't want a dim woman). why can't more guys be like me? good question but why can't more girls fall for guys like me? It's one of those things that i don't even trip on because i know who and what i am, and if you don't give your self a chance to discover me... then your loss. i'm done waiting on the girls to wake up and actually see me for Doug so now i'm looking for a lady who can make a difference in my having to write blogs like this!

thinking

yesterday was a good day, at least that's what i thought
i spent the entire day with her, guilt free, no faults
we went to the mall to update our swag
we tasted different cuisines so you know i was glad


yesterday was a good day, at least that's what i thought
it was a fun filled day from beginning to end
but when i woke up that's when reality set in
yesterday was a good day though it was just a thought

clutch

when it comes down to it,
the last seconds of the game,
my team mates looks for guidance,
they look to me in the clutch

the coach asks a lot of me,
but i ask so much more,
i could close my eyes and still,
know where i'm at on the floor in the clutch

i could sink the three ball with ice in my veins
or cross up the defender on my way to the lane
don't matter how i do it, as long
as i win us the game, in the clutch

when the fans stop cheering
and there's no games left to play
i wonder where the chips will lay
when there's no longer a need for me to come through in the clutch...

>k>c>a>b

well it's the end of october and 29 days until my 20th b-day. My birthday falls on the weekend this year, which is not a bad thing, but i'll make it into one (evil grin creeps upon my face)! right now i'm thinking on some things, as i always do, and i'm pretty sure that i'm going to have to get serioiusly study famous people's books and styles and techniques and study my craft before i run into writing half cocked and what not. I'm beginning to take my writings a lil more seriously these days because i want to have a comfortable life and even while i'm young i could be writing and making money doing so. And i'm beginning to understand that i should take my health more seriously as well because cancer, high blood pressure, and diabetes runs on both sides of the family tree. While being "fluffy" as my home girl G puts it is cool and all, but i'd much rather be a tad less fluffy and a lot more healthier... My hair is long enough to start dreads and even my big bro wayne told me my hair getting longer. IT TOOK LONG ENOUGH!!! now i've grown my beard out as well and i look a lil different when i see my self in the mirror but i'm cool with this lil rick ross i got going on cause i'm still me beneath it all! I think i've been complacent with under achieving for a while now and it's costed me some things here and there but nothing big, but now i have to kinda play catch up a lil bit and put my self under a lil bit of strain and thats not cool! And, i miss my friends... i don't have many people that i call friends... but i miss em all for real! on a completely different note, i went to work with my brother yester day and the first thing he said was to be careful and before we even started working i cracked my big toe nail right across the middle. Its numbing up was a blessing... thats how much it hurt! after a while when it was numb it was fine, even when i took my shower it didn't hurt anymore. even though its cracked i don't think the nail is gonna come off because it wasn't hurting to day and it only bled a lil bit under the nail. I'm still under the weather but it's cool because i will be finding something to get into tomorrow night and happy halloween to all!

mic check

i know i've been away for a while but i've been thinking a lot and there has been major static in my life lately but it's cool cause i don't crack that easily. there are people who think i'm such a cool person but they obviously don't know who my grand mother is and they may find out that i'm really a nicholson more so than a james. I've began to try to be more objective about where others fit in my life when i'm keeping it real with my self because you can try to fool others but you can't fool your self. I'm beginning to be cool with some cold hard facts and i think it's gonna start reflecting in my interactions with others... that might not be such a good thing for some people who think we're cool. Thats a truth i'm willing to get used to because it is what it is. I don't wanna go into the specifics right now but yall got until monday before i really start being that guy as my brother wayne puts it! I'll never be the type that goes out of my way to make others feel uncomfortable but i'm really about to "relax" on yall whack ass charcters! 10/20/08... grab your popcorn

dunno 2

well, my floor is clean and i have a basket full of dirty clothes and i might wash em throughout the night if i stay up though i'm feeling tired at the early hour of 11pm central time zone. The closet is the daunting task out of everything because i'm not sure what i'm gonna find and what i'll have to sort through... i'm actually thinking about getting a small book shelf or one of those big plastic containers because i have quite a few books that are scattered all over the place... i'm thinking about acuall putting my bed all the way in the corner, sliding the entertainment system all the way up against the adjacent corner, putting the mini fridge next to that, putting my new dresser next to the bed, and then going from there because that would give me a lot more room...i just don't wanna go through the closet because there are a lot of clothing in there and i don't feel like going throuth there... i already see about three pair of shoes that have to go, and that aing gonna get it. my winter clothes need to def be upgraded and allt that good stuff... it's just not looking good for me right now even though i could def put together a dope outfit i'd still have to replace a ton of stuff that's definitely not what's hot! i might need to put a pot of coffee on for this one... if you up please hit me up for morale support cause i'ma need that...

dunno

i've been away for a brief minute but i'm back with not much to say. My room is dirty so i'm bout to clean that up and fold all my clothes and hang the rest up... then i'll have to clean out my closet once and for all and clean out my old dresser so that i can get the new one in. I've been interviewed for a real job at the car dealership, but the people who take and handle payments. i hope i get called back on tuesday, but i'm definitely looking for something cause i have stuff i really wanna do... i've been having some "mr. james" like dreams here lately and i actually woke up expecting someone to be next to me saturday morning... joke was on me though! i'm bout to start learning more of my mom's baking recipes and i might actually get a lil bake sale popping cause i'm good at it, it kinda runs in my family to be able to cook (on my mom's side anyway). i've been having writer's block not because i don't have good material but because i can't focus on anything to write on lately. i'm taking all applications, that is if you want me to write on a specific topic that just came across your mind just hit me on facebook in my inbox or something and then i should be able to focus on your specific topic (hopefully). Anyway, i was thinking about how i look in the mirror without my hair being combed and my face being brushed and i look like a bum. But when i get a line up and my beard trimmed, i look professional and fly and what not... then when i actually dress right... well let's just say women look. this 30 something year old lady hit me with a classic line when i went in at my job interview... she was like "don't i know you from somewhere?" I said "no mam" and she kept on and i was like "i'm only 19 but you might be confusing me with one of my brothers" she smiled and said "maybe..." i'd be lying if i said i'd be scared to be trapped behind closed doors with her cause she seems smart and on top of that she looks really good and faintly reminds me of alicial keys... so that means she can get it... but i know other people who need to dawn the shorts and arrange a reandevous with Mr. James... and i'm out on that note cause i gotta clean my room but my cell phone is on...

Mr. James

i take a deep breath before i knock on her door.
"knock, knock, knock!"
the echo of each knock chases each other in a friendly game of tag for what seems like minutes.
she comes to the door in her shorts and t-shirt, along with a smile meant only for me.
she grabs me by the hand and leads me inside, closing... and locking the door behind me.
the thought of my personal space being invaded was one of pleasure on this occasion.
there's low music in the background and i'm pretty sure it's slow but i'm not listening to it.
a perfect amount of perfume envelopes this dream, woman, but she is the one that's intoxicating!
she and i hadn't seen each other in months and we couldn't stop smiling.
as i smiled, i thought about all of the phone conversations (especially the break-ups), the back sliding, the laughter, the playful threats, and other things as well.
those were conversations for the phone and she was right here in front of me. for so long i fought a lot of the things that were supposed to make me a james, but not tonight, not right now!...
to be continued...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i don't think i'd ever been this focused on one person in my life, i only desired to make every move the right one. as she led me through a path that she knew from memory alone, i began to think about what was going to happen and i had all of the feelings that an 8 year old would have on the morning of christmas. her hips worked as a perfect pair of seducers and i watched so intently i barely missed her heel when she stopped and opened her bed room door. despite my clumsiness, my hands knew exactly what to do as they gently placed themselves on both sides of her waist and before i knew it the engine of this love train pulled me into our final destination for the evening. her room had a bed and that's as far as my eyes got, i couldn't even tell you the color of the pillows. i took my shoes off near the door and my shirt too. she smiled at me as she walked over to the bed. she removed the pins from her hair and it fell to about her shoulders and i love shoulder length hair! our eyes met as i appoached her and we embraced each other with the most passionate kiss possible that left the both of us gasping for oxygen. But we kept at it and i remember running my fingers through her silky hair as i layed her down onto the bed. i placed my hands upon her stomach and started sliding them down, down, down to the top of her shorts and they folded upon them selves until they were off of her...
to be continued shortly...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
now that we were past the greetings and were serious about doing "this", whatever this is, she grabbed my belt and unfastened it and my jeans fell to the floor like the lifeless article of clothing that they were. the bulge in my boxer briefs grew as she placed her hand upon it. she looked at me with the most lustful eyes whispering the question "is this for me?" and my lips answered "especially!" what followed was nothing short of ecstasy; so many kisses, so many positions, so many promises... hours passed at the same rate of seconds and finally we were without energy. This was everything that i thought it would be and more. she lay in my arms looking at me and i lay gazing looking at the breaking dawn outside the window. "where do we go from here?" she asked and listened for the answer intently. I replied, "i don't know but you've trusted me to the greatest extent a woman can trust a man and i wouldn't do anything to hurt you!" i grabbed her hand and interlocked it with mine and looked her in her eyes. She beamed her angelic smile at me and then we fell asleep...

lego life pt. 1

i think i'm bout to go over board with this whole change stuff yall. For starters 4 of my 5 meals a day will probably be consist of cereal or oatmeal with fruit or fruit juices. i'm thinking about walking in the morning and the evening for at least a mile and not eat anything after 730 pm... and that time will come up to about six thirty in october. i'm gonna limit carbs and anything that is high in sugar, salt, or cholesterol. i love meat so i think i'm gonna have baked, broiled, and grilled seafood, and poultry on deck at all times. red meats maybe once a week... i need to loose some weight. the only soda i'll be drinking is coke zero and no tea. i'll be using a lot of splenda because i have to have coffee. i'm trying to up my fiber intake as well as my vitamin and mineral intake also so that i can loose weight in a healthy way. i'm gonna try to have intense workouts every other day out side my usual walks in the morning and evening. like maybe an intense 10 to 15 minute routine that works everything but it'll be over quick. And i'm job huntinga and there are some nice opportunities out there but i have to write a resume which looks very frail on paper but my references will clear that up if they decide to check em out. And i can't really put the intangibles down on paper either, which sucks because i'm actually a hard worker when it's a job and people pay me to do something. I should have my resume in circulation by the end of the day and with any luck i should have an offer by the end of the week because i'm ready to get my life together... yall really don't know the half! running in neighborhood gutters for her? you might be surprised, but maybe not! I don't expect any one to get that but if you do hit me on face book and i'll let you know if you're right. i don't know what i'm bout to do but i'm really hungry so i might go handle that...

purely from my mind to my finger tips/ 100% doug, no fillers

first i'd like you to play the song that i've found for you because everyone can appreciate good music even if you don't like the genre. this a nice lil tune that caught my ear and relaxed me when i was thinking about all of the stuff that is on my mind. this is one of the best to do it and without any further typing on my part the legendary John coltrane (que for clapping)

i just got back from what was supposed to be my first party of the year but there were other things in the work call it fate! i went to scoop up my accomplices; laura, josh, and kourtney; but my phone's screen went snow white and wouldn't respond so i took my chip out and broke it in half. that's right, no more black jack for dougie, i might get the black jack II but i don't know yet. first thing i'm getting monday by 5pm is a job so that i can become independant. Plus i gotta go to bham soon to record with the fam. that's the pre road trip though, i'm going back to CU for 4 days... homecoming weekend. the get there on the 20th and leave that sunday. I don't know what my parents are gonna say but what can they say if i got my own bread... they can kick me out but i doubt it will be that dramatic. If you mean anything to me i will try very hard to grace you with my presence since it will be a while before i come back. I want accomplice #3 to come with, but i hope walter don't trip (he scares me)! But back to tonight. We were supposed to go to pensacola to what else, a sigma party, but the whole phone situation came up and we couldn't get it together but i got my mom's phone and we ended up going downtown which was fun and refreshing! next was food, though i wasn't hungry. we spend about 20 mins at krystals because somebody needed more money so i ended up being broke after that, it was only $3.00 but it was the last in my pocket and i didn't mind cause i know they'd do it for me. i Chained smoked 2 blacks in the parking lot, and yes i still have that chest cold... i'm not the brightest person but oh well. then we went back to the grove (new dorms at south alabama) and downed some smirnoffs and they played spades while i watched and cracked jokes... one person was tripping at first but she got it together. then we called g and she was cooking and i talked to her for a while and i should be engaged by 21 and married by 22 at the rate things going... my love life is a roller coaster! if yall didn't know, i don't date cause it's too expensive. I chill with people and feel them out and go from there. I think i have about 3 people on the list of people i would possibly marry with more time with them just seeing how we mesh and the people on that list are all good people but if i had to jump off a cliff for them i don't think i'll do it just yet! Work harder canidates, good black men are rare, show me what you working with!!! this whole night was a joy, even the part where my phone quit, because it lead to other things that i enjoyed. We're gonna run it back next week but more organized and more action packed... Just so yall know i have some dope friends and i wouldn't trade them for anything. (i'm thinking something to my self but i don't know if i should put it up here at this particular time... so i won't for now. I've been going back and fourth in my mind about the whole thing and trying to understand what's really going on is like trying to catch smoke. like i said, i don't like to assume things but i think i'm getting a better understanding of the situation and the people involved in it. i'm kinda like that guy from psyche, i have all the pieced but i just don't hit me until something connects all the pieces... It's gonna be a long time before... well like i said, i don't wanna put it up now so let me think on it and then i'll drop that bomb on yall later)Now, all i need is to lay back and let sleep get me so i can clean up the house tomorrow. *couldn't decide on one title so appreciate them both*

Who am I

who am i to...
want her to take a chance on me with one of her most valuable assets, her heart?
ask her to make hard decisions that will possibly produce frustrations, worries, or satisfaction?
ask her to give me a chance when i've done nothing to deserve one?
to want her to make time for me in the chaotic schedule that is her life?
want her to be exclusive to someone who is so far away from her most of the time?
then, i got to thinking... (like you didn't see that one coming) there's only one question that needs an answer before the others should even be considered...
who am i to her?

hurricane-day

Gustov came and went with no real boom to me, personally! I know that other areas were flooded out and ripped apart and i'm sorry about that. We got a lot of rain and a lot of wind, the power went out for the less than the length of my mid-morning nap, and the cable went out for a couple hours but thank god for dvd's. My mom cooked the usual breakfast she cooks when everybody's here. Some grits (to g, very tender grits), bacon and sausage (pick your poison), scrabled eggs, and toast (make your own) with homemad jam (she makes it and it's the best you'll ever taste)!! i went back to my room and thougth about a lot of stuff while there was nothing to really do and weighed some of my options while i was up to nothing. Later, my brother johnny and his family came over and brought dinner with them. It was kinda tasty and i enjoyed it. My cough is persistant but i'm on some mucinex md, and some anti-biotics to help knock it on out of me. I'm craving some tea but there is none around, and i want some starbucks so i hope it's open tomorrow. I'm watching i wanna work for diddy and it's crazy but i think i could actually work for him. So... I was talking to a friend yesterday and i was sad as hell because she was here in mobile for a sec this summer and we didn't get to see each other and just talking to her was an enchanting moment for me. There was a smile that just wouldn't leave my face and i couldn't really help my self. I love the girl, she'll always be a good friend of mine, even if we have adverse moments. outside of that nothing has really been up with me. bored outta my mind as usual, but i'm working on that... (sinister grin)! Yall be cool and keep an eye out for whatever's next... ima try to get a solid chapter of an eye full of sand up for yall really soon!

ugh!

"i woulda said yes, but our situaion is different
when we aint talking on the phone it feels like something's missing"

lb, my brother, these lines are plaguing me! you heard me nail these that one time and i know we both had/have our situations to deal with but this is getting to me for some reason. has been for the past two days. i'm outta school tomorrow so i def gotta find something to do (laura WILL come to the rescue). W.I.T.H? i am stuck on her but at the same time i'm like bump it.

interesting things keep happening with the whole situation... random text messages!

outside of that we're preparing for gustov on my side. he's supposed to be a really nasty hurricane with some strong winds and plenty of rain. we're on the back side of it so we won't be getting the worse of it's wrath and i hope that everybody comes out well when it's all over. It is hurricane season! so, with all this warm water these storms just can't help them selves. i'm pretty bored, but this cough is keeping me busy, because i have to try to keep it under control. momma G is too worried but i appreciate it. i need to get out the house and do something and my home gurl wanted to see tropic thunder so i might do that tomorrow... maybe! then, again... maybe not. I'm kinda hungry and i want some tea so i think i'm about to go take care of that.

mischief introduced me to her sister, grief

mischief is my wife to be if i keep traveling this street
i cheat on her with my conscience but it provokes my longing
my longing for all or someone because i deserve more than a piece
and mischief introduced me to grief her bigger sister
my emotions are raging inside me like a churning twister
quicker, though i hope not, i'm sure the flame will flicker
... see, that's where it gets deep even a lil sicker
it may flicker and be out in a wink just like a match
a forest fire may flicker and burn for acres unchecked...
as long as i don't get burned who am i not to play with fire
my winning or loosing will sure come down to the wire
damn... time has expired and the sun sets on my day
but if i'm lucky enough my reach is not limited by the grave
saved only by his grace, i live by those words
instead of doing this alone i should have asked him first

throwback friendships

i miss elementary school when matt hales and i were inseperable and we were too cool for our own well being. if he went somewhere i was there and if i went somewhere he was there. then, he and i used to hang out with dejara jones and be cracking up all day long about how we was gonna set manina's (forgot her last name) dog up because she swore up and down she was gonna sick em on us. the reason whe was mad at us is because we called her dumb for getting caught cheating on a vocabulary quiz but we were just joking... then i've always been cool with kelli foster we went to school together from kindergartend till we graduated high school and now she's at spelman doing her than. me and nick anthony used to wild out in elementary school like nobody's business but we were good kids though. then in 6 grade i met sam (super man/spanky) davis who was a year older than me and kinda took me under his wing and was real cool peeps. i used to be really tight with patricia crapster, caitlin ann thompson, Genlicia edwards, Rico bumpers, Paul wilson, Kellend williams, zachary lucas, jade cunningham, sonya reyes, demetrius hendrix, and so many others that it wasn't even funny and i kinda just cruised throught that then i got to high school and met myea rice... muscles... ol crazy ass. I met arlesia malone in 9th grade but didn't actually talk to her until summer before 11th grade. antoinette james, no relation, was my poetry buddy and we used to go back and fourth but i always felt she had doper material. then i met my ace lb... we was glued to each other from then on. jared haynes and ricky rivers was cool people. then there was daniel more, and quinton beasley who was low lives like me. and then i sold cd's to a gang of folks... maybe i didn't (feds might be reading)... i know i'm missing some but i just thought about this... and june bug don't count because he is def my lil brother and we don't say we friends no more... we blood... it be that way some times... that line kills me the way that he uses it... i guess i'll try to update this list as they come to me... but i'm tapped for the moment!