what i mean is, i want her but i can't have her... pt 2... that's what i mean

"seeking brings about answers, waiting brings about solutions"--LeBaron Thornton

my homie had this as his fb status and i couldn't help but (i would say sleep on it but i haven't been able to) ponder this phrase. the more i thought about it the more i wanted to take it and make it my own lil phrase. you see, i'm one of those people who wants the specifics so that i can know and not guess. they don't lie when they say that assumptions are the mothers of all fuk ups... i don't assume much but i infer sometimes. then, when something starts to bug me i just ask. and that's where the seeking brings about answers part comes in. the thing is people only give you the answers they're comfortable with giving you. if they don't feel like telling you the truth they won't do it. not saying they will lie but they will try to get around answering it. and i myself notice these things and i either tell them that i understand or play dumb like i took the bait... it depends on the situation at hand. however, i hate not knowing. i hate when people are indecisive because i've been known to tell truths that are hard for people to accept, like, or to understand how it is what it is. sometimes i'd rather just not address the situations but that makes it fester in my mind and i end up approaching the situation with the wrong... tone... if you will. a great guy named ronnie rice told me once that tone is everything; how you talk to people will definitly affect how they respond to you. i took it to heart because i respect his work ethic and he's been to where i'm trying to go. the thing is, by nature, i'm a seeker. i research words to find hidden meanings, i analyze conversations looking for clues, and i replay actions in my head to come up with god knows what so that i can make sense of the people around me. i'm am so critical when things don't go my way. i don't think i'm better than anyone, but i pay attention to detail and i guess you could say that i impose my fantasy world's laws onto reality. a place where everthing is logical and needs no room for interpretations. and at the same times i speak in metaphors to myself while talking to others. when my mom asked me what did i want to eat today i said i could use a sundae... and she said something, and i was like i'm sure i wouldn't want anything else. but the fact is i see unappreciated keepers and that makes them all the more precious to me. first they are def keepers, then i see that they are not being treated accordingly and that shit does something to me and i be like i have to show them that all males are not men and that we're still out here. think what you want but when i like a girl she knows it and she feels it. i mean she'll never guess where i stand and she knows that affections waits. and while affection waits, i will not. one day i'll just wake up and they won't matter as much in that way because i guess my mind has a kill switch for poeple who doesn't see what it is that's happening. a lot of people think that there is only one true love out there for them but i don't think it's the case, i think anyone could love anyone else but they have to be pure and set what they want aside from what they need because what they need will turn out to be what they wanted. it's hard to communicate better than that because thats exzctly what i wanted to say. an example is when people say that they want money. instead they get what they need, which is to be broke for a while, so that when they get money they'll know what to do with it so that they won't be broke anymore... something like that anyway... as far as the waiting goes i don't do that very well. AT ALL because 9/10 i know what i want but i don't want to make anyone else uncomfortabe and when i see that they are i'll try to stop... and i've gotten better at that if you can believe that. however, my mind and my heart go to war on the daily! i don't even care anymore because i tend to either take action or don't... it's that simple. do yall seriously think that i'm a cool level headed guy... hahahahaha! my mind and my heart set booby traps for each other in hopes to assassinate the other and thats where the arguing and attacking goes on for the most part. between those two i be too spent to be rude and talk bad to others because i've done it so much to my self already and thats the way it is. i do all the arguin and fighting in me so that no one else has to ... i feel underappreciated a lot, but it's fine because people have to learn the hard way. in no way am i doing people favors by liking them but i do feel like i said in one of my earlier posts i'm one of the best to do it... and now i'm like fuck it again! and i don't know if i really wanna feel like that because i still like her but i can't free her, only she can. maybe there's nothing that she needs to be freed from but she knows better than anyone else. like i told you, i want you to be happy for ever and never be sad and have to cry a day again... word! so i guess i should wait for the solutions to come but i guess by moving so much they can't find me. lb might have me on this one! what do yall think about all of my thoughts... cause in my mind it's impeftectly perfect logic!