dearest

dear love,

i recall the fact that you asked me to keep in touch

backwards and silly how i'm rarely in it

love is war, the fog of, blinds doug

what you're worth can barely be contained by words

i try and make them enough

if at all possible

illogical how you make the man in me a toddler

i'm taken aback, not by what you do

but i believe it's the god in you

amazing like kaleidescope

heavenly to my pupils

set apart from your peers

coltrane to my ears

will you be my one and only love?

nurture mines, and i'll foster yours.

your hellos are mountains that i hop scotch while on my way to forever

missing few, hitting most, under appreciating none

and even if it isn't shown, please forgive

i have love for what was, shall be, and things that breed only where imagination is

time yields only to boredom so it streams when i think of...

if you only knew the rest of how i lose sleep over you

sincerely,

1/2

inkwell in shonuff

nothing at all

i'm an exhibition of man's wickedness

a confirmation of our race's sickness

decedent of those bred out of spite

for endurance and might

to watch chicken scratch criminals stack wealth to new heights

i might

just summon the will like a subpoena

to irritate shit deep within like jalapeños

with my words as my gringos

take aim and never miss like a black out card in bingo

bank on what was like a casino

feast on what was reaped with my peeps to strengthen the pack like dingos

be who they point to when they ask "have you seen those...

...niggas over there?

chasing dreams and wife'n em

gang banging on ignorance, hate fighting em

all the wild, untamed, swagger jackers biting em

look in their eyes

i think that shit exciting em

i'm still trying to figure the shit that'll frighten em"

well i saw you looking, and head inkwell... blase... something

but what you trying to figure out don't exist...

it's nothing

parts of me

i used to be a scholar for them words...

what power in nouns, pronouns, adjectives, verbs, and adverbs.

they were just as much part of me as they were of speech.

conjunctions, prepositions, and interjections for elections,

they change the flow of life like blood flow to an erection.

correction comes with red ink just like lies come with group think

... i challenge each individual to think for themselves,

climb jacob's ladder instead of taking the stairs,

and instead of being brave enough to show the god in you,

petrification, results of being scared.

it's a horror show to see my people so

i wish these wicked images had a hell to which they could go

dragging the hate and bad intentions down with them

beneath our range of hearing

build a Utopian future upon ingenious engineering

so little time is the only thing i'm fearing

my god is so gracious

so forgiving

and generous when it comes to favor

dear, heavenly father

i just have one more wish

i pray through you son jesus the will and strength no never quit

and the focus to know that living for your will and not mine

will be paid with bliss.

TRUE!

heavenly bliss.

i take aim

hold breath with steady wrists

until my time is up and i'm done with this earthly

shit aint easy, even when all goes right

left the quill for the mic,

and since then something just aint felt right

i don't sleep well at night

i guess that was just the parts of speech

showing me how much i missed me.

i hope all of hell writes letters i never get

for all eternity

sulking bout how

they miss me how i missed me.

just a nigga

i've survived in places you can't believe

endured what your mind can't conceive

because i'm just a nigga

don't make money much

but changed they way the lived

revolutionized they way the build

grew food for the enemy upon baron fields

because i'm just a nigga

jump so high

run so fast

don't mean to brag

and if it makes you mad, do all in my power to make you laugh

because i'm just a nigga

the definition of king, queen, and being

geographically speaking jesus had to be the color of a coffee bean

hair like a sheep, kinda like my dreads

pray on my knees, thankful for where i'm at

unafraid to be scared

scared to not be great

and i've learned from all my mistakes

even learned more from all the world's hate

because i'm just nigga

and being a nigga you gotta giggle

instead of shedding those insignificant tears

aint nobody gonna stop judging you

and the stumbling blocks won't stop coming long as you here

but while you're here, both listen and hear

that after all these years of forging

being molded

i'm just a nigga for them to fear

but to my people and the ones i hold dear

look no further cause ya nigga right here

i'ma negus, didn't yall hear?

amongst man

though humble,

i mumble scripture that make the devil bumble

clash with ill will to summon heaven's thunder as an applause

that's why i never get struck by stars

i'm a galaxy with centripetal force that anchors bars

hotter than mars is my disposition towards ignorance

fail to,

don't recognize,

don't comply with failure

because that's surrendering, isn't it?

why do that when triple o-g-3 got my back

an o for son cause he took my place

one for the ghost, he forwards what i say

and one for my father, he provides the grace

what else do i need in such a hellish place?

you a galaxy too, let me explain what i penciled

when i say we galaxies, i mean we hold infinite potential

we so great, we could belittle things monumental.

it's all about confidence and manifesting those dreams in your mental.

find time to probe your own mind,

accept and deal with all things that tingle your spine.

good or bad

best or worse

cause you don't know they day, nor the hour

it's time to judge what you worth.

there's only two grades to be paid

heaven to live

and hell where agony awaits

fate's a debate

so do all that you can

signed sincerely,

His child amongst man

love doctor

i am the love doctor

proceed as prescribed

take one hand and place it on a thigh

caressing and gripping tenderly from behind

let's take our time

apply one kiss to the neck for the desired effect

don't be alarmed if things become wet

for the situation of now, it is proper

trust me, i'ma doctor

wait but don't hesitate for the right moment

curing all these symptoms has one key component

that's timing

i am punctual in this pursuit of perfection

and with ample skill

i administer injections of erections

sincere exhibitions of affection

so diligent in my studies

that tomorrow will bring conflict during self reflection

when the doctor is out it will be aggravating

my dissertation on my research will have her gravitating

we groove to our own vibe we be levitating

love making

bed breaking

call rejecting

abusing protection

body part flexing

muscle stretching

deep breath taking

toe curling

head shaking

at a lost for words

hours will merge

u and i will cease

we will come to be

we will come

we will come together

we will again

and again

and again

and again i ask forgiveness cause father we have sinned

medical ethics 101 : first, do no harm

but she dies, dies, and dies again

in the love doctor's arms

i am the love doctor

No Onions

well ladies and gentlemen, today is the day no onions is supposed to be started. "what's that", you ask??? no onions is a concept myself, lb, and st. hope have formed and are still forming for a hip hop mixtape. not rap, cause anybody can rap, but hip hop... but i'm too random to finish the post. just know that it'll be something on there for everybody

things will never be the same

so... what's good blog world? been thinking bout a lot of things latley. god, fam, health, bad habits... all that jazz. early sunday morning one of my uncles passed away and it's not bothering me nearly as much as it will saturday when i go down to florida and see the body in the casket. he was a member of kappa alpha psi, hold head nupe! lol. cool dude all around. if you ever needed anything he'd get it for you, not to mention his house is like a dream vacation spot.... game room, big open kitchen, lazy boys with the big screen. pond out back if you wanted to fish and he wasn't far from the beach. i didn't learn his real name until i was like 10 years old. we'd all call him uncle sunny. well, mardi gras is coming up and uncle sunny would always make his way back home for mardi gras. catch so many beads his neck would ache... sip some crown and coke and he'd always be ducked off somewhere taking a nap when there wasn't a parade. a couple years ago it was bay bruh, and a couple months before that it was aunt yvonne so you can see how mardi gras is feeling a lot different than it did say 5 years ago. but it's all good. a lot of the younger generations in my fam are having kids and taking them to the parades. it's kinda like tradition. mobile, al did mardi gras first and i'd like to think we did it right. famly oriented, nothing over the top... the adults can hit the clubs and after-parties along with all the balls and ceremonies that come with this time of year.

tonight i made a really tough choice and it really hurt to do so... i thought about it, and thought about it... went back and forth on the issue at hand and came to the conclusion that me and sundae just can't be friends. i really want to be her friend, but i can't. it's not satisfying and i've tried very hard not to be selfish. i completely understand what the situation is and i don't like it. i won't even pull a hollywood movie scene and make an ultimatum cause it's unfair and would strain the friendship. i think she'll take it the wrong way if i totally delete her from my friends on fb, but she's been hid... i don't see her in my feed, and she can't chat with me cause she's on that list with the dog wars and naruto people... i'm always off line to them. deleted her number from my phone and all the messages from my in and out boxes... i don't remember it so there will be no more calls/texts. i don't want to say good bye because i know she'll sound cool about it... might even be cool about it and it will only make me feel worse... on some cee lo type ish, i'd like to say i could imagine how she'd take this all but in all honesty i have no clue. she was the one exception to the foundation of the naked movement... but... not any more. it's not gonna be easy, because i've liked her for a while, lb and g say i love her and at this point i believe it. it aint gotta be easy, not many things worth much in life are easy, but this torch is being extinguished and i refuse to light it alone ever agin... naked

after time pt. 1

phase after phase
all you seeing is my growth
not the struggles i endure
not my past or its ghosts
mirror after mirror
all you see is skin deep
you don't know the ladder
you don't know the mountains
or it's grade that impedes me
time after time
all you witness is my smile
not the edges of the mask
i wear to hide it all
night aftet night
day after day
you don't see who i call on
or his mysterious ways
step after step
flap after flap
these wings are not my own
and i'm on my way to where i got them at
so puzzle after puzzle
and maze after maze
i hope that you wonder
and ponder the things i say
cause time after time
i find you on my mind
time after time
i want you to be mine
time after time
is unlimited
unlike time

my uncle died... i think i'm ok, don't really feel like blogging, but here i am. mlk day was a day of reflection and to see where i wana go with life. and i found my self thinking of her a lot. too many boppers not enough keepers. she one of them women you never get over just get distracted from... something gotta shake.

random select

i am exhausted, catching a cold, and hungry. i go to school 5 days a week this semester, get out by 12 3o though so thats a good thing. then i shoot over to the rec to do some cardio and depending on the day, light weights high repetition/heavy weights low repetition. i always end with shooting some bball though. yesterday i shot about 60 percent, today i shot about 10 because it was a heavy weights day... ishould have known better. i've fallen completely in love with my school mostly due to my mass comm. theory teacher and my german teacher... they cool as one can expect a professor to be. usa (university of south alabama) got women!!! seriously i had to change the order i did my work out today cause it was too man distractions in the weight room... they kept coming and kept smiling, and kept talking... and don't get me wrong i love to talk to gorgeous women, especially ones that looked like these looked, but when i go to the gym i actually focus and try to concentrate only on what i'm doing so i can get in and do what i'm supposed to be doing. i heard about haiti and i want to put together a benefit concert of some kind, usa got talent so i might get with the sga and all the orgs on campus and see who wants to participate so that we can do something... i saw some of the footage and it was terrible, i understand and witness what we have to deal with everyday in my neighborhood but i think haiti needs it more than us right now.
on to the crazy part of my life... i think i miss the conversation with her even though i know we are just friends and it's supposed to stay that way... don't this sound familiar? i'm not gonna even bore you with it, but i like her, don't know what to do. things aren't weird right now, don't want to make them that way either. being a friend isn't hard, being able to tell if things are weird or not is hard cause you never know how the person will take what you're saying. but i'm a communications major (new but i act like i been in it for forever) so we can talk about whatever it is...
i'd like to take spring break to atlanta this year to chill with the homie from claflin cause he graduated and work up there, plus possibly jump on a track with the daredevil
i wana spend the summer working in california with my aunt and uncle so i can make some change to blow for the fall (a ninja will need new clothes by then)
and i'm not going anywhere for labor day but i think i'ma fly up to the burg for homecoming weekend and catch the homies doing their thing on the stage. holla at some people i aint seen in a while... *deep sigh* deuces