rambling on

i really want yall to know that i'm having fun with this journey i'm on to dread-hood... lol. just moments ago, i just shampooed and conditioned my dreads so they will lock, but be healty cause my hair was a lil dry and i didn't want to run into no real problems down the road.
currently i'm listening to steve harvey's radio show. sound like this ninja talking straight to me. well kinda anyway. i'm kinda catching feelings for this one friend of mine, but we only get close to what it takes to be a good couple but it seems like the pieces never quite fall into place. and to behonest she's such a good woman... not girl, but woman, that i really can't stand to picture her with anyone else but at the same time we're not an item. i'm handling the situation the best way i know how, which is be happy for her no matter what she chooses because that's my homie for real... like if something happened to her i would probably have a breakdown. i feel that way about all my close friends. their happiness is equal to my happiness. one life to live never ask for a mulligan... lil wayne!
so i can't really figure out what's happening when i start falling for these women, cause i don't even entertain lil girls for real. i gotta admit that i've been hung up on this individual for a while, and i found out that she actually liked me a great deal a while back and it kinda shocked me. made me feel like i was like the rest of the guys she's met that just didn't appreciate her for real, but i know that wasn't the case. just a miscommunication on my part i just. any who, i'm just trying ot figure out what's good with me and women right now (i will never be interested in men, just to clear that up if there was even a window for a misunderstanding right there) because i consider my self an individual who deserves to be happy.
i'm at the young age of 20 and i think about marriage and what it would be like, every aspect of it. what it would talk to make it through those days when every single thing goes wrong and it seems like there is no pleasing your life partner no matter what you do. when you have the responsibility and pleasure to raise your children the way you see fit and try to make sure they are comfortable and know that they are loved. what values you'll instill into them, how you will handle child rearing, if you will challenge them to be the best they can be or just let them find their own way.... i mean i think about these things all the time. i see my nephews cam, and jaylon and i try to imagine what my brothers go through on the daily basis trying to be good fathers. if you're not familiar with my family then you might not know that all my brothers are excellent father figures and i must admit they've set the bar pretty high in that department so i just sit back and take notes for now.
so i guess what i'm trying to say, is my mind rambles!!! lol, but for real it really does. my homie maurice once told me that i have all the confidence in the world when it comes to life, he said: doug you aint really scared of shit (paraphrase) but when it comes to the hoes i see you kinda hesitant... he might be on to something. but, i'd rather take my time and see who's worth chasing rather than throwing myself out there over and over only to have meaningless relationships. i don't really want to catch a variety of fist so to speak, i'd just like to catch that one that i'll never forget the story as to how it all happened, and i always smile when someone mentions their name, and i can tell them she's doing fine because we're still together, that's just the type of guy that i am... i'll let yall continue on your way for now. (thinks for a way to end this entry) ... i'm sure my mind will ramble again so i'll catch you later world.? (shrugs shoulders)