not really thinking about it

i'm looking
i'm looking for the answer
to a question that is just as difficult to answer as it is to ask
i'm looking at myself because understanding is different for everyone
and i'm looking at the world half masked
i would love for you all to see me for who i really am
a guy who's destiny is clouded by self doubt, lack of initiative, and fear
i'm afraid to fail, afraid to succeed, afraid of change
but i look back and am never amazed at how i'm unafraid to talk a great game
so if i'm all talk, what does that make me?
a hypocrite? a loser? or a liar?
either way you and i look at it, it's not good.
from what i've seen i can admit that no one is perfect
but i'm starting to ask my self if i deserve it
"it" would be happiness because happiness is the closest thing to perfect
happiness gives the illusion of perfection
if you're truly happy you will perceive things as perfect
but you eyes see what you want them to see.
and i would like mine to struggle to see 20 years from now
i will be accomplished in the realms of academia, business, and self fulfillment
not to mention, you will see me somewhere talking a great game to some eager youth
and i will be neither of the three things i was 20 years younger, 20 years more foolish,
20 years less learned in the lesson of life
20 years before i had a better understanding of how to live my life
so i sit here letting my fingers guide this blog to where it may end,
thinking...
thinking about all the things i've seen, what i'm seeing, and what will be seen...
just thinking and blinking