lack of convo= high moment of the year

so i've been talking to a few of my fellow dungeon royalty members but i have to admit that brittany's input was valued the most, from what i told her she thought i was in love, but i told her i was like right at the cliff and nothing was done to pull me over the edge, even though i would like go through hell for the girl. but, i would only go through hell if there was more, i have to admit that even if progress is made and it's not quick enough then my patience will wear thin quickly. 6 months ago i was highly infactuated with a young lady and we've been talking on the phone, texting having a high ho time, but we're right where we started in june+ at least 2 "breakups" minus the excitement of something new... so i had a high moment last night and said that i don't wanna pursue her any more. and i really won't, if things don't change. she knows that i still want to be friends and all of that, and what i said might not even be a big deal to her, but i feel like i cut off my right hand last night... fyi i'm right handed...yea, i really thought i was gonna be waste deep in paul masson by now, but thanks to a few friends i spared my self the effects of heavy drinking lol. kidd said let her star gaze from the out side cause she acting out of this world; ezra said damn homie... 6 months...; lb said if you over there tearing up and all that shit then do you; and brittany said that if i feel the way i say i do then why won't i wait for her to be the best her that she could be... i don't even know how to feel right now but kanye's been here through it all... and common because that punch drunk love is whats up... and drake cause i need a replacement girl even though no one could replace her... i guess i need someone to hold me over until the day she gets it together for her self, but what if she be like , fuck you nigga i thought you were tired of waiting in a very sarcastic voice and uses her eyes the way she does, and doesn't do that lil thing she does with her face that inturn makes me do that thing i do with mine... that would be very... very... REAL. it would mortify (to subject to severe and vexing embarrassment) me... yea, that would be some realness for my ass. but me being the dapper, swagalicious guy that i am ... scratch all of that... i think i just wanted to talk more, about you about me, about the stuff we never talked about, about the questions that never got asked. i just wanted to be real with you and i am right now admitting i didn't really let you in... talking with brittany made me realize that i had walls up too, just one big ass impassible wall because i didn't want to expose my self to you for real... in 09, people can ask what ever they like and i'm really trying to keep it real with yall... no matter the question. i think lack of conversation is what made me feel the way i did. i mean just blogging about it is making me feel a tad better... i'm on the road to recovery i guess... and if you think back to once of the first conversaions we ever had, i think my heart is stronger than i think it is too...