perspective

so i was sitting here talking to my lil brother from clalfin, and there's so much irony in the fact that he provoked this thought, and i begin to think about my perspective on two situations. though they are two different situations the perspective is the same. each individual and i have had a very complicated relationship (in the associative definition... just for clarity)... so i was sitting here wondering if there is room for growth in the direction of love. i don't wonder this about many people because i can spot women that won't work for me a mile off and i try to stay away from them. but, if i see one with that potential that makes my soul smile i can't help but investigate. it's bugging me out a little that i'm back in this particular spot because i really don't wanna be here again. truth is i have love for the both of them and i know they care about me but (girl a) is the hardest to place a finger on for real. one day we'll be talking and vibing it's like i'm in a freaking dream and it can't be any better and then the next thing i know she falls off the face of the earth and i've accepted she's a busy person but i can't help but wonder if there will ever be any consistency with her and that's the part that makes me wanna tear my dreads out.... i like her and i really do believe we met each other at an old age in the past life and promised to find each other in this life... and now that we have i don't know how to make everything fall into place...(girl b) is the mu'fuggin business, i really want her! her smile is an eye catcher, but her mind is what's truly captivating... i gotta admit she's more of the complete package... not that i can even compare these women because neither of them can be compared to another (what can i say, i only consider the elite *super big grin*)...

so my perspective on the situation with each of the aforementioned chicks is that i like them and i don't think that will ever change; however, i don't do the back burner thing anymore so i'm trying to find something new with the exception of hoes because i hate wasting my time. i honestly believe that there is room to grow to love each of the women if i actually had the opportunity to. (girl a) would kinda be on probation because i'm gonna say it, might be stepping on her toes, but in my personal opinion i think she'll flake out on me at the first sign of a challenge. there it is, i said it. if she is indeed the person i remember then i think she would constantly second guess us progressing from friends, to more than friends. i can only speculate as to why, only she and god knows. me thinking that she'll quit on me kinda makes liking her at all vain because why should i put my self out there only to be greeted with a sub par effort? some things can't be controlled, and who i like is one of them

(girl b) is like trying to high jump with concrete boots on, blind folded, in a straigt jacket, with no legs... i don't really know how to approach this situation because us actually liking each other and telling mutual friends would cause an uproar within itself... no... she's not super young or super old or nothing like that... just take my word when i say you wouldn't expect it... aint no way in hell you could have because if you woulda asked me a year and some change ago if i woulda like her i woulda died laughing and told you to moon walk off niagra falls... but despite all that, i find her simply irresistable. there's no way you can like everything about a person... it's just no possible, but i will say that if i had the opportunity to get to know her better i don't think i'd like her any less than i already do.

so maybe i need to think on these things a lil more... or even a lil less... but as of right now my perspective on these women is that i like em and i don't know if i should... or if it'll lead to anything but it's outta my hands. if it were up to me we'd be best friends and i wouldn't want anything more from them but i don't control those knobs in my universe so not only do i not have a choice, but surprisingly i'm cool with where things are for the moment because i don't think i could take extreme emotions two summers in a row with no pay off... that might lead to... (a whole nother blog entry)