4th to catch up

wow world, a few things kicked off since we last talked... 1st in my book is north korea talking about wiping my country, USA, off the map. i hate to admit it but i think they're just unstable enough to do it with the new president and all. they might try and flex on obama just to test his mettle. 2nd, the king of pop passed. i fell asleep around 3 or 4pm and i woke up with like 5 missed calls and 10 messages telling me mj had passed away. at first i was like "condolences to the family", but then i remembered me and my big brother kevin dancing to the smooth criminal video in the living room with our dad's top hats. i was better at the spin and he could moon walk so i gotta admit that the man was one of the best entertainers to ever walk the planet... though i was a real fan he had a tremendous amount of talent and he used it to help the world more than people can actually appreciate. despite his few legal problems mike was a good guy, stranger than any other person i know personally, but good non the less. 3rd, talked to an old classmate that i can't remember talking too since 1st grade and she's mad cool... not to mention all grown up. lol.... but in all seriousness we're both english majors, both want to be authors/poets/lawyers and to top it all off she seems cool. now, just to keep it real, *cues bootsy collin's i'd rather be with you* , the song speaks for itself. i don't think i'm locked in on any one female right now, but if i had a reason to be i could focus on one and only one. matter of fact... i just started speaking to an old high school class mate that i didn't really talk to while we were in school but now i talk to her (that's backwards as hell, i know) and she's righteously cute as hell. another fact, i've been meeting a lot of mobile girls who are cute and going places in the last two weeks... and i plan on being in south carolina in the fall... maybe god trying to tell me something... hmmm, i'm willing to put in the work this time around so i don't think i could fail in the academic realm at c.u. (not that i did before, i just didn't do well enough to maintain that juicy ass scholarship that i intend to reclaim next fall... or a better one) but real talk. what's good world? i'm coming up on my 100th blog so i'm thinking about doing it big... i'm talking about a vice filled day to talk about with my 100th blog... or a road trip (maybe to b-ham to wild out with lb and trav... maybe to atlanta to record with the daredevil, maybe to south carolina for some ice cream... just kidding cause that's a scary thought, but i do wanna see her again, and to chill with ggc fam cause we gotta party to warm up for the fall... forgot about old sc upstate homie too... damn... then again... blue and white weekend third week in july??? hmmmm, i have a lot of choices don't i?

oh yea 4th would be my fugging exercising getting off the ground... i walked monday, thursday and today's morning trying to whip my round ass into some other shape. it's not that bad and i actually enjoy hitting the neighborhood up. the morning smells so sweet in my neighborhood it's refreshing... i can smell the cut grass getting that hay smell to it, i can smell the pine tress on summerville and it reminds me of christmas, it's one spot i come across on the first half of clinton that smells like old death for real, and once i make it past that i can smell the warm summer air filled with life, and by the time i hit donald i be thinking about how long i think i've been gone and when look up i be back on barretts lane coming up on my house. today i actually tried to push my pace up and i have to admit it was premature to try that. but i should be jogging at least half of it by the time i go to c.u. and i'll continue to work on my body when i get to cu... larry used to play football... scratch that... he be too damn busy to try and work out with so i might have to get royce to do it cause he don't be doing shit with is evening as long as it aint intramural bball season... i gotta get right for the spring... god willing i'll be crossing those sands to ---------!!! wouldn't you like to know. but for real, i gotta do it big for my 100th blog... so i'll try to think of something entertaining for you all, until then ask yourself this... are people just fugging you, or actually loving you? if you gotta question it, it's probably the first one

110 degree heat index

so... it's me again, doug j. i've been up since about 5:30 pm YESTERDAY!!! i was writing some music, and talking with the brother lb last night. any way... i just came from my cousin's house sitting out on the porch talking to her about a little bit of everything. the temperature was rising the whole time we were talking so i had to beat it back to the house before i burst into flames. today i went on a mile and a half walk around my neighborhood and it really wasn't that bad. i left the house around 550 am got back right before 620... i thought i woulda died but to tell the truth it wasn't that bad. i didn't loose my breath, and my legs weren't hurting... i could feel the signs of my sedentary life style catching up with me in the last couple minutes though. i did some light free weights to try and tighten up my chest as well... i'll be on some crunches later tonight to balance it all out. and hopefully i can make this an every day thing with a few rest days sprinkled throughout. i'm supposed to be recording with some of the homies later, but they better catch me before i pass out or else i won't answer my phone... (when i pass out, my ears shut completely down)...

a snippet from some lyrics i wrote to drake's november 18th instrumental (i been writing decent lines lately so i'm trying not to cool off, i'm even coming up with different styles to deliver my rhymes with... i can go fast, slow, use the last word of a rhyme as the beginning of the next, ambiguous lines that leaves room for many interpretations... all the things that seperate good rappers from the rest... ps... it's hard work)

"...vultures circling, time murdering
my sincerity
this aint how love supposed to be
or is it just me?
it aint just me, it's the emptiness and i
riding off into the thing where the ground touch the sky..."

another snippet off cassidy's aim for the head instrumental

"charming, young, suave guy
that be i
pimp limp in my blood the doctor's couldn't change that
months after surgery my limp came right back
updated news, dj's better check that
mic like nascar my crew finna wreck that
repo man of the game homeboi where my check at
take it to a battle then bet that
can't loose to a punch line spitter
i'm redeeming rap's credibilty quicker
than the average, babbage, wack actors
trying pose as talented rappers"

and even though this stuff is just alright, i know i can... scratch that... i know that i have to write better material if i want people to want to listen to my music. and even with all of these different lines dancing in my head i'm still quite distracted and it's just making me wanna drown it out even more. i really don't know what to say, how can i have a conversation when i don't know what it is i'd like to say... or even if the words are worth saying... this ish is ridiculous... real talk... but on the lighter side of things... i might catch a movie or something tonight... maybe bowling... who knows... i need to get out and let my hair down a bit before i become swallowed up by the monster that is my thoughts... peace out, be cool world

perspective

so i was sitting here talking to my lil brother from clalfin, and there's so much irony in the fact that he provoked this thought, and i begin to think about my perspective on two situations. though they are two different situations the perspective is the same. each individual and i have had a very complicated relationship (in the associative definition... just for clarity)... so i was sitting here wondering if there is room for growth in the direction of love. i don't wonder this about many people because i can spot women that won't work for me a mile off and i try to stay away from them. but, if i see one with that potential that makes my soul smile i can't help but investigate. it's bugging me out a little that i'm back in this particular spot because i really don't wanna be here again. truth is i have love for the both of them and i know they care about me but (girl a) is the hardest to place a finger on for real. one day we'll be talking and vibing it's like i'm in a freaking dream and it can't be any better and then the next thing i know she falls off the face of the earth and i've accepted she's a busy person but i can't help but wonder if there will ever be any consistency with her and that's the part that makes me wanna tear my dreads out.... i like her and i really do believe we met each other at an old age in the past life and promised to find each other in this life... and now that we have i don't know how to make everything fall into place...(girl b) is the mu'fuggin business, i really want her! her smile is an eye catcher, but her mind is what's truly captivating... i gotta admit she's more of the complete package... not that i can even compare these women because neither of them can be compared to another (what can i say, i only consider the elite *super big grin*)...

so my perspective on the situation with each of the aforementioned chicks is that i like them and i don't think that will ever change; however, i don't do the back burner thing anymore so i'm trying to find something new with the exception of hoes because i hate wasting my time. i honestly believe that there is room to grow to love each of the women if i actually had the opportunity to. (girl a) would kinda be on probation because i'm gonna say it, might be stepping on her toes, but in my personal opinion i think she'll flake out on me at the first sign of a challenge. there it is, i said it. if she is indeed the person i remember then i think she would constantly second guess us progressing from friends, to more than friends. i can only speculate as to why, only she and god knows. me thinking that she'll quit on me kinda makes liking her at all vain because why should i put my self out there only to be greeted with a sub par effort? some things can't be controlled, and who i like is one of them

(girl b) is like trying to high jump with concrete boots on, blind folded, in a straigt jacket, with no legs... i don't really know how to approach this situation because us actually liking each other and telling mutual friends would cause an uproar within itself... no... she's not super young or super old or nothing like that... just take my word when i say you wouldn't expect it... aint no way in hell you could have because if you woulda asked me a year and some change ago if i woulda like her i woulda died laughing and told you to moon walk off niagra falls... but despite all that, i find her simply irresistable. there's no way you can like everything about a person... it's just no possible, but i will say that if i had the opportunity to get to know her better i don't think i'd like her any less than i already do.

so maybe i need to think on these things a lil more... or even a lil less... but as of right now my perspective on these women is that i like em and i don't know if i should... or if it'll lead to anything but it's outta my hands. if it were up to me we'd be best friends and i wouldn't want anything more from them but i don't control those knobs in my universe so not only do i not have a choice, but surprisingly i'm cool with where things are for the moment because i don't think i could take extreme emotions two summers in a row with no pay off... that might lead to... (a whole nother blog entry)