things will never be the same

so... what's good blog world? been thinking bout a lot of things latley. god, fam, health, bad habits... all that jazz. early sunday morning one of my uncles passed away and it's not bothering me nearly as much as it will saturday when i go down to florida and see the body in the casket. he was a member of kappa alpha psi, hold head nupe! lol. cool dude all around. if you ever needed anything he'd get it for you, not to mention his house is like a dream vacation spot.... game room, big open kitchen, lazy boys with the big screen. pond out back if you wanted to fish and he wasn't far from the beach. i didn't learn his real name until i was like 10 years old. we'd all call him uncle sunny. well, mardi gras is coming up and uncle sunny would always make his way back home for mardi gras. catch so many beads his neck would ache... sip some crown and coke and he'd always be ducked off somewhere taking a nap when there wasn't a parade. a couple years ago it was bay bruh, and a couple months before that it was aunt yvonne so you can see how mardi gras is feeling a lot different than it did say 5 years ago. but it's all good. a lot of the younger generations in my fam are having kids and taking them to the parades. it's kinda like tradition. mobile, al did mardi gras first and i'd like to think we did it right. famly oriented, nothing over the top... the adults can hit the clubs and after-parties along with all the balls and ceremonies that come with this time of year.

tonight i made a really tough choice and it really hurt to do so... i thought about it, and thought about it... went back and forth on the issue at hand and came to the conclusion that me and sundae just can't be friends. i really want to be her friend, but i can't. it's not satisfying and i've tried very hard not to be selfish. i completely understand what the situation is and i don't like it. i won't even pull a hollywood movie scene and make an ultimatum cause it's unfair and would strain the friendship. i think she'll take it the wrong way if i totally delete her from my friends on fb, but she's been hid... i don't see her in my feed, and she can't chat with me cause she's on that list with the dog wars and naruto people... i'm always off line to them. deleted her number from my phone and all the messages from my in and out boxes... i don't remember it so there will be no more calls/texts. i don't want to say good bye because i know she'll sound cool about it... might even be cool about it and it will only make me feel worse... on some cee lo type ish, i'd like to say i could imagine how she'd take this all but in all honesty i have no clue. she was the one exception to the foundation of the naked movement... but... not any more. it's not gonna be easy, because i've liked her for a while, lb and g say i love her and at this point i believe it. it aint gotta be easy, not many things worth much in life are easy, but this torch is being extinguished and i refuse to light it alone ever agin... naked

after time pt. 1

phase after phase
all you seeing is my growth
not the struggles i endure
not my past or its ghosts
mirror after mirror
all you see is skin deep
you don't know the ladder
you don't know the mountains
or it's grade that impedes me
time after time
all you witness is my smile
not the edges of the mask
i wear to hide it all
night aftet night
day after day
you don't see who i call on
or his mysterious ways
step after step
flap after flap
these wings are not my own
and i'm on my way to where i got them at
so puzzle after puzzle
and maze after maze
i hope that you wonder
and ponder the things i say
cause time after time
i find you on my mind
time after time
i want you to be mine
time after time
is unlimited
unlike time

my uncle died... i think i'm ok, don't really feel like blogging, but here i am. mlk day was a day of reflection and to see where i wana go with life. and i found my self thinking of her a lot. too many boppers not enough keepers. she one of them women you never get over just get distracted from... something gotta shake.

random select

i am exhausted, catching a cold, and hungry. i go to school 5 days a week this semester, get out by 12 3o though so thats a good thing. then i shoot over to the rec to do some cardio and depending on the day, light weights high repetition/heavy weights low repetition. i always end with shooting some bball though. yesterday i shot about 60 percent, today i shot about 10 because it was a heavy weights day... ishould have known better. i've fallen completely in love with my school mostly due to my mass comm. theory teacher and my german teacher... they cool as one can expect a professor to be. usa (university of south alabama) got women!!! seriously i had to change the order i did my work out today cause it was too man distractions in the weight room... they kept coming and kept smiling, and kept talking... and don't get me wrong i love to talk to gorgeous women, especially ones that looked like these looked, but when i go to the gym i actually focus and try to concentrate only on what i'm doing so i can get in and do what i'm supposed to be doing. i heard about haiti and i want to put together a benefit concert of some kind, usa got talent so i might get with the sga and all the orgs on campus and see who wants to participate so that we can do something... i saw some of the footage and it was terrible, i understand and witness what we have to deal with everyday in my neighborhood but i think haiti needs it more than us right now.
on to the crazy part of my life... i think i miss the conversation with her even though i know we are just friends and it's supposed to stay that way... don't this sound familiar? i'm not gonna even bore you with it, but i like her, don't know what to do. things aren't weird right now, don't want to make them that way either. being a friend isn't hard, being able to tell if things are weird or not is hard cause you never know how the person will take what you're saying. but i'm a communications major (new but i act like i been in it for forever) so we can talk about whatever it is...
i'd like to take spring break to atlanta this year to chill with the homie from claflin cause he graduated and work up there, plus possibly jump on a track with the daredevil
i wana spend the summer working in california with my aunt and uncle so i can make some change to blow for the fall (a ninja will need new clothes by then)
and i'm not going anywhere for labor day but i think i'ma fly up to the burg for homecoming weekend and catch the homies doing their thing on the stage. holla at some people i aint seen in a while... *deep sigh* deuces