L-factor (formerly named "10 lines prior to a thought")

i'm looking forward to not going back
while appreciating this instead of wishing for that
getting high off of not being so down
and understanding how silence can be a thundering sound

i've kept some ignorant to the things i've known
and exposed some to how sheltered i've become
my laying low has led to new heights
and my basking in the sun has turned to bathing in the pale moon light

you can take what you will but i'm giving my all
my pen may lie but my spirits will never fall

it took me minutes to work out how i was gonna make this poem work but i think i pulled it off alright and i just wanted yall to know that i'm still around but i've just had an issue or two to let work their selves out and they have. i'm really going on the prowl because i have to meet more girls because the ones i've known are not getting it for me and thats the uncontested truth. i'm not even upset because i've been knowing how things were gonna turn out for a while. I feel like i just got divorced but i have no choice (i perceive that i have no choice so if it is contested people may feel what ever they like) in the matter. I'm not brave enough to tell people how i really feel because i'm pretty sure i would alter (i really mean destroy) friendships and leave people mumbling how they don't understand... and just that they don't understand is a clear indication of some of the bullshit that needs to be addressed. of course i'm not the same person i was a year ago, are you? i'm fiending for someone to keep it real with and who will give me they're all even when it's hard and they don't know how we'll make it becuase i'll be right there with them making things the way they should be. i'm gonna leave yall with this thought: i'm not for everyone to understand because i know what love is and HOW TO love and love is an intangible variable that transcends comprehension!

lady who can make a difference

boo! i know it's been a while since i've last blogged but i guess i just haven't bee feeling the whole blog thing lately and that's just what it is! any way i've bee thinking a lot lately and i need to hit the reset button on the whole ladies situation. i'm not sure if i do or don't like this one girl even though she's so much fun and easy to talk to. i think she's failing a class or two but i'm cool with that because she was right... but that's just the thing she shouldn't be! i'm a fairly smart guy and i can pretty much see what is and isn't going to happen and no matter how much i might want that... emphasis on might, i don't see anything happen between us... it's like if we were face to face things might be different but i'm not willing to push any envelopes seeing as how we just talk trash on the phone! then everybody else has fallen completely off; point blank (period). i'm looking for a lady who can make a difference. who won't talk a good game and not come close to living up to the hype. who will make me feel like i'm never on the back burner even when her plate is full (of course there will be reciprocaiton)! i'm looking for someone who is not afraid to be their self even when it might make them seem weird because i don't like or tolerate fake peeps... i'm big on being who i am and i want others to feel comfortable being who they are around me. I'm not afraid to make my self vulnerable by putting my feelings on the line and i want a girl who'd do the same for me. while everybody has a certain amount of privacy, there wouldn't be much we wouldn't be able to talk about and there won't be no judgements passed because we all make mistakes. a sense of humor will go miles and miles with me, even if i don't get all her jokes and she doesn't get mine we can still share a laugh. of course she has to have a brain and the capacity to use it and vocalize her ideas (no, i don't think girls are dumb but i'm just making sure i let yall know i don't want a dim woman). why can't more guys be like me? good question but why can't more girls fall for guys like me? It's one of those things that i don't even trip on because i know who and what i am, and if you don't give your self a chance to discover me... then your loss. i'm done waiting on the girls to wake up and actually see me for Doug so now i'm looking for a lady who can make a difference in my having to write blogs like this!

thinking

yesterday was a good day, at least that's what i thought
i spent the entire day with her, guilt free, no faults
we went to the mall to update our swag
we tasted different cuisines so you know i was glad


yesterday was a good day, at least that's what i thought
it was a fun filled day from beginning to end
but when i woke up that's when reality set in
yesterday was a good day though it was just a thought

clutch

when it comes down to it,
the last seconds of the game,
my team mates looks for guidance,
they look to me in the clutch

the coach asks a lot of me,
but i ask so much more,
i could close my eyes and still,
know where i'm at on the floor in the clutch

i could sink the three ball with ice in my veins
or cross up the defender on my way to the lane
don't matter how i do it, as long
as i win us the game, in the clutch

when the fans stop cheering
and there's no games left to play
i wonder where the chips will lay
when there's no longer a need for me to come through in the clutch...