hoes aint shit

i know hoes aint shit

i don heard it in a whole bunch of lines

where niggas was lying bout how the spend they time

except about time spent poorly

sorely, and calloused, voices reiterate

hoes aint shit but still hoping to penetrate

my mistake homie, party foul on doug

but i gotta ask, it's my task,

why you spending your time on unworthy girls?

children in the mind

are you one too?

ladies i understand that men hoes too

some people just hoe hearted

attitude stank like it farted

consumption on the mind

karma sutra suitors using lies as their twine

but in time, i hope yall find, hoes aint shit.

life got plenty fiber if you living and aint just existing

learning, looking, and quiet as you listen.

a still tongue is where it's won.

unless you confessing you learned your lesson

not only asking for but claiming and counting your blessings

addressing all they hate, but focusing on the growth

this aint for the choir to sing over, this one here for the hoes

the hoe ass men who burning women's bridges to trust the next

hoe hearted women kissing on another's husband's neck

planning and knowing it home wrecks.

being a hoe aint bout shit, it's nothing but a life of regrets.

hoes can be healed..

with just a lil

self love

and self respect.

next time you wana be sure, take your money and bet

hoes aint shit but wasted time and regret.

see space hill

maybe if i were greater i could make it past your make up

find a space in your heart to take up

i used to talk to myself for comfort

but i gave that burden to my maker

the power of prayer doesn't elude me

probably what made you easy to see

easier to like

a privilege to dream of resting my body at night

minus my heart

it beats for you

my future, too many dreams deferred

your manifestation, then me letting you escapes absurd

beyond words

could be why i offer silence instead

scared of fucking it all up over something i said

something i did

maybe it's all the didn't's that's my fixing

undoing me like tides' lingering touches on the beaches' hides where i scribe

working against me like it got something to hide but seek and ye shall find

a beating heart

a work of art

vexing perfection, minus your smile

you came this far, i'm asking you stay a while

stick with me for a couple miles

stick with me for just a few years

growing

growing closer conquering fears

come, let me whisper my deepest desires to ya ears

you do the same, i won't promise, but i'll stray you from tears

i care about, without a doubt, how i talk to my rib

and if all else fails, blast love grind every day that you live

i just wana chill...

morning, noon, night, and thought

the sun, upon rising, hopes to compete

with golden kisses as its fleet

round and rotund, exuding hope

knowing better all the while

despair, replaces its hope

and best that which, to me, is best

that thing you do that leaves me vexed

i ponder and wonder, and think until no end

if the effect, being a smile, with me begins

infinite bliss

all can be fixed

weights of the world removed when you do this...

the height to which the rises reach

fall short with me, frail and meek

the best at noon-day, the apex of

an infinite solution to the problems of my world

proud and honorable, integrity intact

an overdosed measurement is exact

genuine like a child

longer than country miles

if it were to be faked

... ignorance is bliss

enlightenment passed over, for denial

conceding to its better, settling for setting

its myriad of colors, hues, and shadings

begets begetting

and if planned upon the perfect setting

for exhibitions of intent

informing, letting, being, seeing

hearing, leaving

a smile...

nay,

your smile to me is perfect

these, words so worthless

but the why behind

more than worth it

i, as the sun, try and try

to match your smile

only to, one day, realize

the flawless has none at either side

like the sun i try and try

set to rest, quiet as most night skies

but behold, i peer

a glinting twinkle

a sliver of hope, divine and single

something to clutch

a chance again

to rise and compete

until time decides no longer to lend...

cause unknown, effect presented

none can contend.

if i'm losing, i'll do it a lil better

dear future

i know we don't talk much

i'm always rapping and hoo-blah

and hanging out with such and such

locked inside the music

honing skills to make you laugh

put words together in a way hoping they will last

i hope it's half full if we're talking bout the glass

i look and see enough plus extra every time i glance

no longer talking bout the glass but everything with class

if i recall you're half naked, you try, that's all i ask

naw, you aint the smoothest but to me you are the coolest

when it comes to being beautiful it's like they need schooling

a cut above the rest

a completely different level

let me stop and ask, is this letter even helping?

oh well, if i'm losing, i'll do it a lil better

sincerely ...

a bit of you

may my heart freeze you in love and reflect infinite bliss

so that i know perfection exists

if not factual then actual

showing me what i see in you but more importantly what i feel in me

i pray that you are of him

if not i'll admire from afar

i met you in a dream

a glimpse of hope, glinting, from the tail of a shooting star

is just some of what you so vastly are

dearest

dear love,

i recall the fact that you asked me to keep in touch

backwards and silly how i'm rarely in it

love is war, the fog of, blinds doug

what you're worth can barely be contained by words

i try and make them enough

if at all possible

illogical how you make the man in me a toddler

i'm taken aback, not by what you do

but i believe it's the god in you

amazing like kaleidescope

heavenly to my pupils

set apart from your peers

coltrane to my ears

will you be my one and only love?

nurture mines, and i'll foster yours.

your hellos are mountains that i hop scotch while on my way to forever

missing few, hitting most, under appreciating none

and even if it isn't shown, please forgive

i have love for what was, shall be, and things that breed only where imagination is

time yields only to boredom so it streams when i think of...

if you only knew the rest of how i lose sleep over you

sincerely,

1/2

inkwell in shonuff

nothing at all

i'm an exhibition of man's wickedness

a confirmation of our race's sickness

decedent of those bred out of spite

for endurance and might

to watch chicken scratch criminals stack wealth to new heights

i might

just summon the will like a subpoena

to irritate shit deep within like jalapeños

with my words as my gringos

take aim and never miss like a black out card in bingo

bank on what was like a casino

feast on what was reaped with my peeps to strengthen the pack like dingos

be who they point to when they ask "have you seen those...

...niggas over there?

chasing dreams and wife'n em

gang banging on ignorance, hate fighting em

all the wild, untamed, swagger jackers biting em

look in their eyes

i think that shit exciting em

i'm still trying to figure the shit that'll frighten em"

well i saw you looking, and head inkwell... blase... something

but what you trying to figure out don't exist...

it's nothing

parts of me

i used to be a scholar for them words...

what power in nouns, pronouns, adjectives, verbs, and adverbs.

they were just as much part of me as they were of speech.

conjunctions, prepositions, and interjections for elections,

they change the flow of life like blood flow to an erection.

correction comes with red ink just like lies come with group think

... i challenge each individual to think for themselves,

climb jacob's ladder instead of taking the stairs,

and instead of being brave enough to show the god in you,

petrification, results of being scared.

it's a horror show to see my people so

i wish these wicked images had a hell to which they could go

dragging the hate and bad intentions down with them

beneath our range of hearing

build a Utopian future upon ingenious engineering

so little time is the only thing i'm fearing

my god is so gracious

so forgiving

and generous when it comes to favor

dear, heavenly father

i just have one more wish

i pray through you son jesus the will and strength no never quit

and the focus to know that living for your will and not mine

will be paid with bliss.

TRUE!

heavenly bliss.

i take aim

hold breath with steady wrists

until my time is up and i'm done with this earthly

shit aint easy, even when all goes right

left the quill for the mic,

and since then something just aint felt right

i don't sleep well at night

i guess that was just the parts of speech

showing me how much i missed me.

i hope all of hell writes letters i never get

for all eternity

sulking bout how

they miss me how i missed me.

just a nigga

i've survived in places you can't believe

endured what your mind can't conceive

because i'm just a nigga

don't make money much

but changed they way the lived

revolutionized they way the build

grew food for the enemy upon baron fields

because i'm just a nigga

jump so high

run so fast

don't mean to brag

and if it makes you mad, do all in my power to make you laugh

because i'm just a nigga

the definition of king, queen, and being

geographically speaking jesus had to be the color of a coffee bean

hair like a sheep, kinda like my dreads

pray on my knees, thankful for where i'm at

unafraid to be scared

scared to not be great

and i've learned from all my mistakes

even learned more from all the world's hate

because i'm just nigga

and being a nigga you gotta giggle

instead of shedding those insignificant tears

aint nobody gonna stop judging you

and the stumbling blocks won't stop coming long as you here

but while you're here, both listen and hear

that after all these years of forging

being molded

i'm just a nigga for them to fear

but to my people and the ones i hold dear

look no further cause ya nigga right here

i'ma negus, didn't yall hear?

amongst man

though humble,

i mumble scripture that make the devil bumble

clash with ill will to summon heaven's thunder as an applause

that's why i never get struck by stars

i'm a galaxy with centripetal force that anchors bars

hotter than mars is my disposition towards ignorance

fail to,

don't recognize,

don't comply with failure

because that's surrendering, isn't it?

why do that when triple o-g-3 got my back

an o for son cause he took my place

one for the ghost, he forwards what i say

and one for my father, he provides the grace

what else do i need in such a hellish place?

you a galaxy too, let me explain what i penciled

when i say we galaxies, i mean we hold infinite potential

we so great, we could belittle things monumental.

it's all about confidence and manifesting those dreams in your mental.

find time to probe your own mind,

accept and deal with all things that tingle your spine.

good or bad

best or worse

cause you don't know they day, nor the hour

it's time to judge what you worth.

there's only two grades to be paid

heaven to live

and hell where agony awaits

fate's a debate

so do all that you can

signed sincerely,

His child amongst man

love doctor

i am the love doctor

proceed as prescribed

take one hand and place it on a thigh

caressing and gripping tenderly from behind

let's take our time

apply one kiss to the neck for the desired effect

don't be alarmed if things become wet

for the situation of now, it is proper

trust me, i'ma doctor

wait but don't hesitate for the right moment

curing all these symptoms has one key component

that's timing

i am punctual in this pursuit of perfection

and with ample skill

i administer injections of erections

sincere exhibitions of affection

so diligent in my studies

that tomorrow will bring conflict during self reflection

when the doctor is out it will be aggravating

my dissertation on my research will have her gravitating

we groove to our own vibe we be levitating

love making

bed breaking

call rejecting

abusing protection

body part flexing

muscle stretching

deep breath taking

toe curling

head shaking

at a lost for words

hours will merge

u and i will cease

we will come to be

we will come

we will come together

we will again

and again

and again

and again i ask forgiveness cause father we have sinned

medical ethics 101 : first, do no harm

but she dies, dies, and dies again

in the love doctor's arms

i am the love doctor

No Onions

well ladies and gentlemen, today is the day no onions is supposed to be started. "what's that", you ask??? no onions is a concept myself, lb, and st. hope have formed and are still forming for a hip hop mixtape. not rap, cause anybody can rap, but hip hop... but i'm too random to finish the post. just know that it'll be something on there for everybody

things will never be the same

so... what's good blog world? been thinking bout a lot of things latley. god, fam, health, bad habits... all that jazz. early sunday morning one of my uncles passed away and it's not bothering me nearly as much as it will saturday when i go down to florida and see the body in the casket. he was a member of kappa alpha psi, hold head nupe! lol. cool dude all around. if you ever needed anything he'd get it for you, not to mention his house is like a dream vacation spot.... game room, big open kitchen, lazy boys with the big screen. pond out back if you wanted to fish and he wasn't far from the beach. i didn't learn his real name until i was like 10 years old. we'd all call him uncle sunny. well, mardi gras is coming up and uncle sunny would always make his way back home for mardi gras. catch so many beads his neck would ache... sip some crown and coke and he'd always be ducked off somewhere taking a nap when there wasn't a parade. a couple years ago it was bay bruh, and a couple months before that it was aunt yvonne so you can see how mardi gras is feeling a lot different than it did say 5 years ago. but it's all good. a lot of the younger generations in my fam are having kids and taking them to the parades. it's kinda like tradition. mobile, al did mardi gras first and i'd like to think we did it right. famly oriented, nothing over the top... the adults can hit the clubs and after-parties along with all the balls and ceremonies that come with this time of year.

tonight i made a really tough choice and it really hurt to do so... i thought about it, and thought about it... went back and forth on the issue at hand and came to the conclusion that me and sundae just can't be friends. i really want to be her friend, but i can't. it's not satisfying and i've tried very hard not to be selfish. i completely understand what the situation is and i don't like it. i won't even pull a hollywood movie scene and make an ultimatum cause it's unfair and would strain the friendship. i think she'll take it the wrong way if i totally delete her from my friends on fb, but she's been hid... i don't see her in my feed, and she can't chat with me cause she's on that list with the dog wars and naruto people... i'm always off line to them. deleted her number from my phone and all the messages from my in and out boxes... i don't remember it so there will be no more calls/texts. i don't want to say good bye because i know she'll sound cool about it... might even be cool about it and it will only make me feel worse... on some cee lo type ish, i'd like to say i could imagine how she'd take this all but in all honesty i have no clue. she was the one exception to the foundation of the naked movement... but... not any more. it's not gonna be easy, because i've liked her for a while, lb and g say i love her and at this point i believe it. it aint gotta be easy, not many things worth much in life are easy, but this torch is being extinguished and i refuse to light it alone ever agin... naked

after time pt. 1

phase after phase
all you seeing is my growth
not the struggles i endure
not my past or its ghosts
mirror after mirror
all you see is skin deep
you don't know the ladder
you don't know the mountains
or it's grade that impedes me
time after time
all you witness is my smile
not the edges of the mask
i wear to hide it all
night aftet night
day after day
you don't see who i call on
or his mysterious ways
step after step
flap after flap
these wings are not my own
and i'm on my way to where i got them at
so puzzle after puzzle
and maze after maze
i hope that you wonder
and ponder the things i say
cause time after time
i find you on my mind
time after time
i want you to be mine
time after time
is unlimited
unlike time

my uncle died... i think i'm ok, don't really feel like blogging, but here i am. mlk day was a day of reflection and to see where i wana go with life. and i found my self thinking of her a lot. too many boppers not enough keepers. she one of them women you never get over just get distracted from... something gotta shake.

random select

i am exhausted, catching a cold, and hungry. i go to school 5 days a week this semester, get out by 12 3o though so thats a good thing. then i shoot over to the rec to do some cardio and depending on the day, light weights high repetition/heavy weights low repetition. i always end with shooting some bball though. yesterday i shot about 60 percent, today i shot about 10 because it was a heavy weights day... ishould have known better. i've fallen completely in love with my school mostly due to my mass comm. theory teacher and my german teacher... they cool as one can expect a professor to be. usa (university of south alabama) got women!!! seriously i had to change the order i did my work out today cause it was too man distractions in the weight room... they kept coming and kept smiling, and kept talking... and don't get me wrong i love to talk to gorgeous women, especially ones that looked like these looked, but when i go to the gym i actually focus and try to concentrate only on what i'm doing so i can get in and do what i'm supposed to be doing. i heard about haiti and i want to put together a benefit concert of some kind, usa got talent so i might get with the sga and all the orgs on campus and see who wants to participate so that we can do something... i saw some of the footage and it was terrible, i understand and witness what we have to deal with everyday in my neighborhood but i think haiti needs it more than us right now.
on to the crazy part of my life... i think i miss the conversation with her even though i know we are just friends and it's supposed to stay that way... don't this sound familiar? i'm not gonna even bore you with it, but i like her, don't know what to do. things aren't weird right now, don't want to make them that way either. being a friend isn't hard, being able to tell if things are weird or not is hard cause you never know how the person will take what you're saying. but i'm a communications major (new but i act like i been in it for forever) so we can talk about whatever it is...
i'd like to take spring break to atlanta this year to chill with the homie from claflin cause he graduated and work up there, plus possibly jump on a track with the daredevil
i wana spend the summer working in california with my aunt and uncle so i can make some change to blow for the fall (a ninja will need new clothes by then)
and i'm not going anywhere for labor day but i think i'ma fly up to the burg for homecoming weekend and catch the homies doing their thing on the stage. holla at some people i aint seen in a while... *deep sigh* deuces

naked is a movement

12-16-09 i decided to get naked. naked has nothing to do with clothing or sex. it's a mindset/belief system more than anything else. if you are naked you won't keep dead weight around you, whether it be your leg or your best friend if it holds you down or holds you back cut it off and keep moving towards your goals. naked people will not care what the world thinks because one will know that their opinions shouldn't make or break you. that person will also handle business and do everything he or she is supposed to do and complete that task with their best effort. there's nothing wrong with having fun but everything in moderation. because we are flawed beings, naked people won't worry about the small things that go wrong or the things they can not control because that comes with life. a naked person will not be negative or pessimistic;however, they will be realistic. last but not least a naked person will prioritize their life, god (or whoever you believe in) first then everything else. don't misunderstand me a naked person can care about anything and everything as deep as the next person but they will not care about others when it is not reciprocated.

now that i got that outta the way, i'm still at usa and there's nothing wrong with that. not looking forward to classes in the spring. switching my major to mass communications. writing and rapping more and more these days. i think i'm becoming more at ease of the situations between me and females. i don't have to like it but i can live with it. and because i can't change them i'm still looking for one where the feelings are mutual. i'm not the type of guy who haves sex with women because i can but i do think about it a lot these days. a true life cut friend, and i know a few candidates too who've already made offers. it's really not me and i hope it doesn't become me. the dreads are much longer so i guess i'll have to put up a new pic eventually.

just wrote this, haven't even went over it for real, goes with this india arie song


i'm not average either, and it was nice to meet ya
i hope that i can call you or even set date to see ya
more often than not
i meet women with no esteem in anything
especially when the subject is their self
and you might have the same luck with guys
who are about notches on their belt
not i, don't mistake me for that guy
with confidence i tell you i'm human
and if there is an us
i'll think about us with every action that i'm doing
and even though i make mistakes
i will also try to fix every one i make
i love to just be
being chill is just me
and i'd like you to know you can still move here
but know where ever you are is where i'll want to be

i wish it would rain

i know i aint talked to yall in a while, but hopefully that'll change. onto the reason i came, so it's been raining a lot in my city lately and i know it's hella early but something just struck me and i kinda penned this poem. it's rough and raw and i could have crafted it a thousand times better but i decided to leave it as is. it starts with a refrain but it's nontraditional in the fact that it's not consistent, nor is the length of the stanzas. so you could say it's totally free form i guess. i really don't know how to feel towards oblivious people, but i'm not upset with them. frustration has set in and efforts have been redirected. i've made a conscience effort to realize she's bad for me and act accordingly. crazy thing is, there seems to be some women out there who have been liking me all along and it's not like i was just dismissing them but i'd rather chase one i really like than many i don't. my approach is befriend first, and it never works out like that. i'm beginning to realize it's because once i'm a friend people really value that friendship, that's a feeling i can't even describe so i'm grateful on one hand but on the other i'm like wtf!... i'm having a lot of thoughts flood my mind, and few are nice enough to say (that's the frustration setting in, and i try not to lash out because these are my problems )... i guess i'll see ms. right on the 50 yard line or not at all... it's not a business it's a partnership. ask me how this blog is coherent and i couldn't explain it. anyway, kind of a poem called "i wish it would rain" enjoy. i guess this marks my official return

hoping it brings its friends
to distract me from you
the crash of the thunder
and lightning too
i wish it would rain

for the clouds to come together
and give me some hope
i wouldn't care about my shirt
because it's already soaked
i wish it would rain

if my hair got wet and lost its perfection
i would appreciate the pouring rain
as a metaphor for your affection
so i wish it would rain

even if it's just from you
to hide the pain
to wash the tears from my face
i wish it would rain

no matter how dark it gets
and how hard the wind blows
i wish it would rain
to wash the pain from my soul

i'll edit this soon

hmmm... i'll edit this blog later, but for now just soak in the poem... if it's that

today someone called me strange
i replied you must have meant changed.
short- to be exact, mathematically detached.
give me what i gave you back!
since time don't rewind how you gonna pay me that?
your leaving left me flat...
flatter than the tax that would benefit the rich
sicker than meadia's spin on bull shit
emptier than the clip little kids kill with
because the illusion of freedom is the card they have to deal with,
and the slight of the hand by the person who is paying
is just enough deception for them to not know where he stands.
you colder than his intentions,
had my mind in detention,
that made me feel sick cause my heart was dissenting
from the decision my soul made that you embodied everything that i envisioned.
and i pondered all of this at your name being mentioned.

4th to catch up

wow world, a few things kicked off since we last talked... 1st in my book is north korea talking about wiping my country, USA, off the map. i hate to admit it but i think they're just unstable enough to do it with the new president and all. they might try and flex on obama just to test his mettle. 2nd, the king of pop passed. i fell asleep around 3 or 4pm and i woke up with like 5 missed calls and 10 messages telling me mj had passed away. at first i was like "condolences to the family", but then i remembered me and my big brother kevin dancing to the smooth criminal video in the living room with our dad's top hats. i was better at the spin and he could moon walk so i gotta admit that the man was one of the best entertainers to ever walk the planet... though i was a real fan he had a tremendous amount of talent and he used it to help the world more than people can actually appreciate. despite his few legal problems mike was a good guy, stranger than any other person i know personally, but good non the less. 3rd, talked to an old classmate that i can't remember talking too since 1st grade and she's mad cool... not to mention all grown up. lol.... but in all seriousness we're both english majors, both want to be authors/poets/lawyers and to top it all off she seems cool. now, just to keep it real, *cues bootsy collin's i'd rather be with you* , the song speaks for itself. i don't think i'm locked in on any one female right now, but if i had a reason to be i could focus on one and only one. matter of fact... i just started speaking to an old high school class mate that i didn't really talk to while we were in school but now i talk to her (that's backwards as hell, i know) and she's righteously cute as hell. another fact, i've been meeting a lot of mobile girls who are cute and going places in the last two weeks... and i plan on being in south carolina in the fall... maybe god trying to tell me something... hmmm, i'm willing to put in the work this time around so i don't think i could fail in the academic realm at c.u. (not that i did before, i just didn't do well enough to maintain that juicy ass scholarship that i intend to reclaim next fall... or a better one) but real talk. what's good world? i'm coming up on my 100th blog so i'm thinking about doing it big... i'm talking about a vice filled day to talk about with my 100th blog... or a road trip (maybe to b-ham to wild out with lb and trav... maybe to atlanta to record with the daredevil, maybe to south carolina for some ice cream... just kidding cause that's a scary thought, but i do wanna see her again, and to chill with ggc fam cause we gotta party to warm up for the fall... forgot about old sc upstate homie too... damn... then again... blue and white weekend third week in july??? hmmmm, i have a lot of choices don't i?

oh yea 4th would be my fugging exercising getting off the ground... i walked monday, thursday and today's morning trying to whip my round ass into some other shape. it's not that bad and i actually enjoy hitting the neighborhood up. the morning smells so sweet in my neighborhood it's refreshing... i can smell the cut grass getting that hay smell to it, i can smell the pine tress on summerville and it reminds me of christmas, it's one spot i come across on the first half of clinton that smells like old death for real, and once i make it past that i can smell the warm summer air filled with life, and by the time i hit donald i be thinking about how long i think i've been gone and when look up i be back on barretts lane coming up on my house. today i actually tried to push my pace up and i have to admit it was premature to try that. but i should be jogging at least half of it by the time i go to c.u. and i'll continue to work on my body when i get to cu... larry used to play football... scratch that... he be too damn busy to try and work out with so i might have to get royce to do it cause he don't be doing shit with is evening as long as it aint intramural bball season... i gotta get right for the spring... god willing i'll be crossing those sands to ---------!!! wouldn't you like to know. but for real, i gotta do it big for my 100th blog... so i'll try to think of something entertaining for you all, until then ask yourself this... are people just fugging you, or actually loving you? if you gotta question it, it's probably the first one